If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

Evil is relatively rare. Ignorance is epidemic.

Someone has said, “Prayer is the highest use to which speech can be put.

Don't sound so surprised. I have sensible moments, you know.

Men will not receive the truth from their enemies, and it is seldom offered to them by their friends.

People don't know very much about me. They do not know what really goes on in my private life.

There must be a cloud in my head, rain keeps falling from my eyes

I don't wanna join the Hair Club For Men or anything.

I can't listen to music when I'm writing. I like music best in a car or on the train.

Is this level of athletic competition the ultimate distraction from real life? Or is it a form of prayer?

Beauty is a fruit which we look at without trying to seize it.

What's difficult to understand about German opera? It's always the same. Boy meets girl, boy falls in love, girl gets devoured by horrible winged creature with claws.