Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

Divine force lies within you. You must awake the power.

He doesn't blame people for many sins, but he does hate uncoordination, the root of all evil, as he feels it, for without coordination there can be no order, no connecting.

I realize life is a beautiful mess. You can make it more beautiful by accepting the way it is. If you don’t accept, you’ll mess it up.

Discerning the legal difference between what WikiLeaks did and what news organizations do is difficult and would set a terrible precedent.

I worked for Harper’s Bazaar. They fired me. I recommend that you all get fired; it’s a great learning experience.

Everyone in life is gonna hurt you, you just have to figure out which people are worth the pain.

Most people think they are searching for truth when they are really searching for love

Childhood, whose very happiness is love.

I've never had a single moment of depression, because I know my cause will triumph.

That old saw about the early bird just proves that the worm should have stayed in bed.