In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

To live a worthy life, just love. Love is the essence of life and it makes the life worthwhile.

Why seek revenge? Karma is going to get the bastards anyway

Sometimes mistakes are the best thing that can happen, because they might lift you...out of your complacency, and open your mind up to a whole other area that you wouldn't have gone to intentionally.

What I wanted was to be allowed to do the thing in the world that I did best - which I believed then and believe now is the greatest privilege there is. When I did that, success found me.

And believe me, this country thinks it's [using private e-mail by Hillary Clinton] - really thinks it's disgraceful, also

The world could be fixed of its problems if every child understood the necessity of their existence.

Can you find a man who loves the occupation that provides him with a livelihood? Professions are like marriages; we end by feeling only their inconveniences.

It has always been the prime function of mythology and rite to supply the symbols that carry the human spirit forward.

When you are already in Detroit, you don't have to take a bus to get there.

If you're campaigning against ObamaCare, but you're also having to defend yourself for closing the government, that seems to take away the asset from you.