In 20 years of comedy, I've probably had a dozen good points.

Race, Religion, Ethnic Pride, Nationalism does nothing but teach you how to hate people you have never met

You never hear in the news, "200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the north."

If you're offended by any word in any language, it's probably because your parents were unfit to raise a child.

There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life.

There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing drugs.

I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me.

Shouldn't the long-term goal of any society be complete unemployment?

One UK paper described me as a "miserablist", a word I'd never heard before or since. I looked it up and it means someone who can only be happy when they are miserable. Perfect.

I think a lot of women look at prostitutes like they're scabs crossing an union picket line, where they go: You can't just go out and sell it for what it's worth, we're holding out for so much more!

What if I don't want a leader? Where does that vote go? I do good on my own. I don't want to be led.

I don't always believe in God, but, I believe something is amiss.

Even in death, may you be triumphant

Tomorrow belongs to those who learn today.

But to him who tries and fails and dies I give great honor and glory and tears.

I am, by nature, a guitar player... I learned all of these other instruments around that, and around the theory that I built learning the guitar.

It took years of wear and tear before idealism crumbled like so much bric-a-brac.

I've always thought of myself as an organic writer, rather than a cerebral one. I feel my way along as I go, hoping I'll get to the place I intend to reach.

My grandmother, when she looked at American movies, she said, 'They're all the same. In the first scene somebody shoots somebody and then everybody makes phone calls.'

Fortunately, I have money that's from my life's work. But it's money that I share and used greatly to fight poverty in my country.

Winter's notion of poetry is tragedy. It knows nothing of comedy. Its laughter was frozen on its lips long ago.