In America, you assassinate president. In Soviet Russia, president assassinate you!

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.

I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter.

Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.

In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland.

In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!

It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart.

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.

Men and women are immigrants in each other's worlds.

I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to.

Don't do the right thing for the wrong reasons. It is the "why" that keeps us committed to our choices and defines our character.

All mountain landscapes hold stories: the ones we read, the ones we dream, and the ones we create.-from the Editor's Note, The Alpinist (April 1, 2010)

Never settle... go after your dreams aggressively. Ignore the doubters, step over them. Stay focus on your prize.

We absolve a friend from gratitude when we remind him of a favor.

A good competition for comedians would be where a comedian has a conversation and is then quizzed on what the other person says.

Outside his own ever-narrowing field of specialization, a scientist is a layman. What members of an academy of science have in common is a certain form of semiparasitic living.

A leader is one of the things that distinguishes a mob from a people. He maintains the level of individuals. Too few individuals and a people reverts to a mob.

It's nothing sinister but my private life belongs to me.

So what brings you here? (Devyn) People needed killing. (Adron)

If you don't change, you will become extinct.