In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

You could die, " she whispered. "Everything dies, " he whispered back. "I'm afraid of so much more than dying.

There is a liberal fascism that is dedicated to going after believing Christians who follow the biblical teaching on marriage.

Life is revealed as a place to contribute and we as contributors. Not because we have done a measurable amount of good, but because that is the story we tell.

To a child all weather is cold.

Music can happen with equal ease as a solo or collaborative venture, it seems to me.

We are like a woman with a difficult pregnancy. We have to rebuild the social classes in Egypt, and we must change the way things were.

I acted in junior high in the junior high school group, and then when I got into senior high I was, you know, the main actor of the senior high school.

The naming of cats is a difficult matter. It isn't just one of your holiday games. You may think at first I'm mad as a hatter. When I tell you a cat must have three different names.

Huh? Windows was designed to keep the idiots away from Unix so we could hack in peace. Let's not break that.

I reject that. I would rather recruit a Racist left winger than a right winger.