In Moscow they do not pay much attention to the living but keep their cemeteries in a splendid state.

An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one.

On the Continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners.

The man who is not afraid of danger is not a hero, but a psychopath.

You can keep a dog: but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals.

In England only uneducated people show off their knowledge; nobody quotes Latin or Greek authors in the course of conversation, unless he has never read them.

Many Continentals think life is a game; the English think cricket is a game.

A dog will flatter you but you have to flatter the cat.

I asked many friends if Australian anti-intellectualism was still a living force and they all told me it was. If you are above average intelligence, hide this embarrassing fact.

The English are always ready to admire anything so long as they can queue up.

The British suffer from a most unfortunate superiority complex - unjustified even under Victoria and most certainly hopelessly out-of-date today.

Writing is a form of art. Do not use New Times Roman or Arial because it's boring and hackneyed.

Every home is a university and the parents are the teachers.

I never really did any disco dancing.

You ever wonder if Adam and Eve were just the puppies God dumped because they wouldn't house-train?

That's my job. To imagine harder than you can.

When there's 100 people around you can't really forget yourself.

In a broken marriage, it can be challenging and tough to get that work/life balance. I love performing but I also love being a mum, and I hate having to choose between them.

Maybe the older you grow and the less easy it is to put thought into action, maybe that’s why it gets all locked up in your head and becomes a burden.

How frightened hypocrisy hastens to defend itself.

Three million alligators were killed in Florida between 1880 and 1900. Goody!