In New York the other day, there was a pro-Martha Stewart rally. Only four people showed up ... and three of them were made out of crepe paper!

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

I don’t like being left for long struggling with my dangerous self.

You leave home, I have learned, counting the trip day by day. If you ever get to return, you count the trip miracle by miracle.

We’re animals. No shame, no guilt - no sin…

God then made the first woman, not directly out of his own substance, but from Adam's rib. Her purpose was to serve man.

And I think that that emphasis on keeping a family together, alike, I think it's important.

I combine aspects of many styles of music and create my own musical forms by way of electronic instruments.

I was brought up with lies all the time... that's how you got along... I have lied my entire life...

Just get out of your own way.

The hackers don't want to destroy the network. They want to keep it running, so they can keep making money from it.