In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Humour can be dissected as a frog can but the thing dies in the process.

I admit that twice two makes four is an excellent thing but if we are to give everything its due twice two makes five is sometimes a very charming thing too.

Nothing hath separated us from God but our own will, or rather our own will is our separation from God.

I have insecurities of course, but I don't hang out with anyone who points them out to me.

Because nobody goes through life without a scar.

I was never interested in being an overly public person.

We are seeing the bitterness of elites who wish to lead, confronted by multitudes who do not wish to follow.

Television probably has become the most evocative, widely observed signpost we have.

I wish she was dead,' he says. 'I wish they were all dead and we were, too. It would be best.

The way up is a staircase. The way down is a cliff.