In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.

I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter.

Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.

In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland.

In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!

It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart.

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.

Men and women are immigrants in each other's worlds.

I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to.

I believe there is a direct correlation between love and laughter.

It is my conviction that there is no way to peace - peace is the way.

The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him.

In the midst of the storm, our anchor is hope.

The first step towards knowledge is to know that we are ignorant.

It's quite nice to see that I didn't have to change who I was to reach two very different types of people.

It's true, people don't imagine I'd be particularly woody.

The epoch of individuality is concluded, and it is the duty of reformers to initiate the epoch of association. Collective man is omnipotent upon the earth he treads.

You know how it is: as soon as you decide to forget something, your brain comes to the conclusion that it's the most fascinating thing in the world.

French cinema has always been very interesting, and it's still very powerful. I think it goes to show that it's great to still have a cinema that doesn't try to emulate, for example, American cinema.

Writing songs about fancying people in dance clubs is all very well but it's not the be-all and end-all. There are other topics.