In TV today, you can say I pricked my finger, but you can't say it the other way around.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

ON LIVING LIFE WISELY - To make the right choices, you have to be at peace with yourself.

He was making the inevitable pivot from critic to manager.

It is the story that owns and directs us. It is the thing that makes us different from cattle

Abundance is a state, not a quantity. Idea of shortage is man-made.

Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.

Geometry is to the plastic arts what grammar is to the art of the writer.

Information gently but relentlessly drizzles down on us in an invisible, impalpable electric rain.

If you want to know the religion of a man, do not look at how much he prays and fasts, rather, look at how he treats people.

Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.