In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Again, I lay awake, and I cried because of waste.

What he wanted was Megan wanting him... but not needing him. Not vulnerable to him. Sure as help not trying to leave him over and over again... and simply failing.

Almost any age is better than twenty-two.

When you feel your book is the height of irrelevance you can return to the excitement of the daily news.

The pursuit of individual happiness within those limits prescribed by social conditions, is the first requisite to the attainment of the greatest general happiness.

Lust is the cause of generation.

I do believe there's good in all of us, even if it's layered over so thickly.

I like Stella [McCartney] a lot - she's a very open and warm person. I don't particularly want to know about her background.

The astronauts who came in with me in my astronaut class - my class had 29 men and 6 women - those men were all very used to working with women.

Let us not burden our remembrances with a heaviness that's gone.