In a new interview, Secretary of State Colin Powell repeated that the U.S. has no plans to attack Syria or Iran. After hearing this Donald Rumsfeld responded, 'Like he'd know.'

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

The moment we confront our fears we are declaring that we are contenders for life, and for love.

And seeing ignorance is the curse of God Knowledge the wing wherewith we fly to heaven.

Early is on time and on time is late.

Every perception of color is an illusion, we do not see colors as they really are. In our perception they alter one another.

When I was growing up there was a product made by Sony called the Sony Walkman - a rage, everyone had to have one. Well, you don't hear about the Walkman anymore.

It's weird how your perspective changes. At the start of your career, you think, 'I just want to do cutting-edge work that makes people think.' Now, I would do a blockbuster in a heartbeat.

You don't make any money when you're my age. The stars get it all. That's a lie, actually.

When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.

Tom Ford just started at Gucci and was getting great notoriety - like Madonna wearing that head-to-toe velvet suit at the MTV awards. I remember it like it was yesterday.

First, say to yourself what you would be; then do what you have to do. Life is a grindstone. Whether it wears you down or polishes you up depends on what YOU are made of.