In a society like ours, politics is improvisation. To the artful dodger rather than the true believer goes the prize.

Our form of democracy is bribery, on the highest scale.

There's a lot to be said for being nouveau riche, and the Reagans mean to say it all.

The unfed mind devours itself.

We are the United States of Amnesia, we learn nothing because we remember nothing.

Democracy is supposed to give you the feeling of choice, like Painkiller X and Painkiller Y. But they're both just aspirin.

Write something, even if it's just a suicide note.

Persuading the people to vote against their own best interests has been the awesome genius of the American political elite from the beginning.

The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so.

You know, I've been around the ruling class all my life, and I've been quite aware of their total contempt for the people of the country.

That loyal retainer of the Chase Manhattan Bank, the American president.

It didn’t take much to turn a man solitary-being the new guy too often, being controversial now and then, a couple of unsuccessful attempts at a lasting relationship with a woman…

We are all given equal opportunity to learn new things. We just have to be determined and persistent.

I actually don't think that I'm that much smarter than anybody else. It's just that I frequently just seem to know what to do, and I think that's wisdom.

He's wild, you know. Not like a tame lion.

The beautiful thing about encouragement is that anybody can do it.

The number of 'unneccessary' errors that have been committed on move 41 are legion.

My favorite color right now is purple, but it used to be pink. It's kind of always going to be pink.

How could you not be hopeful if you've got a tree around?

That’s why our TVs are brimming with so much hot man-on-pan action. You can’t channel surf for long without seeing turkey getting stuffed over and over until they finally cut to the gravy shot.

Hockey belongs to the Cartoon Network, where a person can be pancaked by an ACME anvil, then expanded - accordion-style - back to full stature, without any lasting side effect.