In a statement to the Associated Press earlier in the year, Jamie Lynn said she didn’t have a boyfriend. She said, ‘I’m keeping my options open.’ And by options, she meant legs.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

It's funny how a person can be right all the time and still be wrong.

I was just thrilled to get the gig to begin with. Ten years later to still have it is not only thrilling but also somewhat of a puzzlement.

I finally learned that it was all right to say something wasn’t working for me when it wasn’t working. The world doesn’t come crashing down when you speak the truth.

Less base the fear of death than fear of life.

There is a golden thread which runs through British history of the individual, standing firm against tyranny and then of the individual participating in his society

Meditation is the tongue of the soul and the language of our spirit.

Storytelling and copulation are the two chief forms of amusement in the South. They're inexpensive and easy to procure.

Fortune loves to give bedroom slippers to people with wooden legs, and gloves to those with no hands.

It remains overwhelmingly and compellingly in Britain's national interest that the EU should succeed.

I want to be awake. I want to choose kindness, live & let live. I want joy, gratitude, and peace today.