In all honesty, we don't know what's in the hearts of other men. All I know is that I respect comedy and I know comedy. I would never, ever, ever take somebody else's joke.

When a black person has no electricity, no water, they call it the ghetto. When white people have no electricity and no water, they call it camping.

I'm glad Hurricane Katrina happened. It taught us an important lesson: black people can't swim.

If you ain't laughing, you ain't living, baby.

Dee Dee Dee dosen't mean mentally retarded. It means stupid. This song goes out to all the stupid people out there. Your gonna find this song hilarious, and you don't even know it's about you.

I'll admit it, the Holocaust was definitely a bad thing, but do we really need Jewish people around? They have big noses. I said it! I said it!

When white people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're homeless, when black people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're called rappers.

Like my father I, too, was born in Central America - Nebraska.

I'll know America is in bad shape when Cubans in Miami get in the water and swim back to Cuba.

We celebrate Labor Day by not going to work?

My brain is very simple. Like when you break everything down. I see things in a simple way. And that simplicity for some reason becomes funny to other people because they don't look at it that way.

I am as I am, and that's all there is to it, I can hardly take a pair of scissors to myself, and cut out a different person...

Sometimes the closer we got to a situation, the less clear it looked.

When you're truly awesome, you know that it's actually a burden and wish day after day to be relieved of such a curse. Think of about 95% of the superheroes.

I'd rather die for speaking out, than to live and be silent.

I am and always will be the optimist. The hoper of far-flung hopes and the dreamer of improbable dreams.

The Bernie Sanders phenomenon shows that it's not confined to Republicans. There is a general sentiment that America is on the wrong track.

The noble people will be nobly ruled, and the ignorant and corrupt ignobly.

I feel that as the world becomes more and more multicultural, it's a good tool to be able to speak another language.

I like strength. I depend on my own.

Money is the answer for everything.