In an age when the fashion is to be in love with yourself, confessing to be in love with somebody else is an admission of unfaithfulness to one's beloved.

An educated person is one who has learned that information almost always turns out to be at best incomplete and very often false, misleading, fictitious, mendacious - just dead wrong.

The people who are always hankering loudest for some golden yesteryear usually drive new cars.

Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.

The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any.

The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.

What the New Yorker calls home would seem like a couple of closets to most Americans, yet he manages not only to live there but also to grow trees and cockroaches right on the premises.

Americans like fat books and thin women.

A solved problem creates two new problems, and the best prescription for happy living is not to solve any more problems.

It seems to be a law in American life that whatever enriches us anywhere except in the wallet inevitably becomes uneconomic.

You can't enjoy light verse with a heavy heart.

Sometimes just getting through each day requires almost superhuman strength.

My life, my career has been like a roller coaster. I've either been an enormous success or just a down-and-out failure.

With friends, one is well; but at home, one is better.

I'm a lifelong Vikings and Packers fan because I lived in both Minnesota and Wisconsin as a kid.

Who would I marry? I know, my ego. We'd make the perfect couple.

God helps everyone with what is his own.

There are not good things enough in life to indemnify us for the neglect of a single duty.

She saw him drenched with gasoline. She could actually feel the box of matches in her hand.

Humankind cannot stand reality.