In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.

The landlady of a boarding-house is a parallelogram - that is, an oblong angular figure, which cannot be described, but which is equal to anything

Now, the essence, the very spirit of Christmas is that we first make believe a thing is so, and lo, it presently turns out to be so.

It may be those who do most, dream most.

I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.

A half truth, like half a brick, is always more forcible as an argument than a whole one. It carries better.

Advertising: the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.

There are two things in ordinary conversation which ordinary people dislike - information and wit

I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.

It takes a good deal of physical courage to ride a horse. This, however, I have. I get it at about forty cents a flask, and take it as required.

Love me like you'll never see me again.

Negotiation is permissible for mediocrity not for excellence.

Be creative.

Why wait for your ship to come in when you are already on it?

My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"

God is nearer to you than any thought or feeling of yours... Do not be afraid.

I have learned to regard fame as a will-o-the-wisp...

Better authentic mammon than a bogus god.

Love that has been tested is far more awe-inspiring than love that has never known anything but bliss.

When I talk about divorce, I am not blaming the women I've married. It's not their fault.