In his press conference last night, President Bush said he could not remember a single mistake he had made in the last two years. The president's exact quote was: 'I ain't make none mistakes ever.'

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

Wanasayansi wanasema hakuna Mungu kwa sababu hawawezi kumwona wala kumgusa. Lakini nao hawana akili kwa sababu hawawezi kuiona wala kuigusa.

I have hope for you, if only because you're the only one left to hope for.

How could we have unearth our greatest potential without adversity?

Perfection is attained, not when no more can be added, but when no more can be removed.

A dangerous quality, if real; and a not less dangerous one, if feigned.

Pride is the great stumbling block of Zion...Pride is ugly; it says if you succeed I am a failure...Pride is basically competitive in nature. When competition ends, pride ends.

Chicago is incredibly gracious. People here have so much pride.

Shouldn't it give us pause that the oldest works of art are as impressive today in their beauty and spontaneity as they were many thousands of years ago?

My prayer is to learn new things, imbibe fresh insights. You must not take life too seriously. You must enjoy the process of living.

I know stereotypes have a bad reputation, people say, "Oh, you shouldn't stereotype people," but I think it's important to recognize that we couldn't function in the world without stereotypes.