In human history a moral victory is always a disaster, for it debauches and degrades both the victor and the vanquished.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

In the heart and in the soul, evil takes its wicked toll. When moonlight shines like flowing blood, over the earth, the Daimons will flood

The habit of thinking prevents us at times from experiencing reality, immunises us against it, makes it seem no more than any other thought.

You must dare, and dare again, and then dare a little bit more, and go on daring.

If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.

For what is man without desires, without free will, and without the power of choice but a stop in an organ pipe?

The Constitution guarantees us our rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. That's all. It doesn't guarantee our rights to charity.

We hope to explain the entire universe in a single, simple formula that you can wear on your T-shirt.

And the only studies were - Rodney Dangerfield was my mentor and he was my Yale drama school for comedy.

It is astonishing that any man can forbear enquiring seriously whether there is a God; whether God is just; whether this life is the only state of existence.

The only thing that relieves pressure is preparation.