In many cases, the very, very dishonest press doesn't want to report [terrorists attacks].They have their reasons, and you understand that.

Nothing is easy, but who wants nothing?

There's nobody bigger or better at the military than I am.

I am the only one who can make America truly great again!

Sometimes by losing a battle you find a new way to win the war.

Don’t be afraid of being unique. It’s like being afraid of your best self.

I could stand in the middle Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters.

If you're going to be thinking anyway, think big!

Always try to learn from other people's mistakes, not your own- it is much cheaper that way!

Do you mind if I sit back a little? Because your breath is very bad.

This very expensive GLOBAL WARMING bullshit has got to stop. Our planet is freezing, record low temps,and our GW scientists are stuck in ice.

A shrub that bears fruit deserves to be watered more than a tree that does not.

You needn't be afraid of life! Life is so good when you do something that is good and just.

I was so happy that my mother, father, and two brothers had somehow found one another. Perhaps my mother and father have gotten back together, I thought.

Towns are like people. Old ones often have character, the new ones are interchangeable.

Shake a bridle over a Yorkshireman's grave and he'll rise and steal a horse.

Granted, this system is insane, but we must not let sanity stand in the way of airport security.

This is what we bear, I thought, the nearness of other lives.

Let it suffice that in the light of these two facts, namely, that the mind is One, and that nature is its correlative, history isto be read and written.

I started doing standup when I was in college, and I would incorporate a lot of characters into my act.