In my experience the difference between a straight and a bisexual is about four pints

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

The only people who are desperate to go on the show are people we're desperate not to have on the show.

I always say I'd rather be miserable by myself than unhappy in a relationship.

I don't think I've got bad taste. I've got no taste.

I am really bad at actually interviewing people.

I bet Maurice Gibb's heart monitor was singing the tune of Stayin' Alive.

A comedian's a comedian. They're a very kind of cynical bunch. I guess that's why I like them.

The BBC is a victim of its own independence.

I have nothing to say about my childhood. It was a perfectly pleasant upbringing - it's not like it was unhappy or anything.

Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do.

If you can't do it today, You can not do it in your whole life! Do it NOW!

Seize the moments that are before you instead of planning for future moments that get lost in the abyss of time.

Don't have every dialog go in a straight line to solve the problem. Let your characters argue, be sarcastic, disagree or joke around.

At school, I was brought up on revolting food - sausages, sausages and Spam - but at home, I had the most wonderful sponge puddings, which I don't indulge in very often now.

I love the process of acting, simply because I like to play make believe. But for me, it is purely make believe and it is a process of playing.

I know, up on top you are seeing great sights, but down here at the bottom we, too, should have rights.

Prancing around on stage is not the entire purpose of my life.

and yet, you never knew wwhat you were capable of until you arrived at that given moment. Life was just a whole string of spots where you continued to surprise yourself.

Keith Moon is not interested in Jazz and won't ever be a Jazz drummer because he's more interested in looking good and being screamed at.

I don't use my body to seduce, no. I just stand there.