In my first stand-up acts there wasn't material even. You know, I'd go on stage and cry and read a Dear John letter or gut fish on stage. I could be odd - and it's what interested me as a comedian.

I lost my job, well I didn't lose it, I know where it is, there's just some other guy doing it now.

Go on, try weasel, try squirrel; it tastes like chicken, it tastes just like chicken! If it tastes just like chicken, why don't you gimme some damn chicken?

Animals may be our friends, but they won't pick you up at the airport.

Quit everything until you find something that you just cannot quit.

America’s one of the finest countries anyone ever stole.

Well, I'm an uncle now ... don't know if I'm a good one. My nephew asked me the difference between a hamster and a gerbil and I told him I thought there was more dark meat on a gerbil.

What's the difference between a Dice Clay concert and a Klan rally? Nothing. Trick question.

If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.

When I was a baby I had no teeth. I couldn't get a job and I couldn't eat meat.

I retired from acting the same time they stopped hiring me. But following my own thing of making these small indie movies has been the happiest I've ever been.

A joyful soul is the choice to dwell on amazing gift of life than the challenges.

I've never had any rights in this country and I'm happy to renounce any I'm supposed to have. That way they can't bother me.

We are shallow because our media are so horribly shallow. Every morning, I peruse the papers, and there is so little to read in them. It is the same with radio - all that noise, that artifice.

Progress is measured by richness and intensity of experience - by a wider and deeper apprehension of the significance and scope of human existence.

If I had problems, I kept them to myself. I didn't make a scene.

Robert Fripp and I will be recording another LP very soon. It should be even more monotonous than the first one!

You cannot kill an idea by murdering innocent people — though you can nudge it toward suicide.

All I'm trying to do is not join my ancestral spirits just yet.

But through world wars and a Great Depression, through painful social upheaval and a Cold War, and now through the attacks of September 11, 2001, our Nation has indeed survived.

Investment students need only two well-taught courses - How to Value a Business and How to Think About Market Prices