In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

She drank the bottle.

I dropped out of school for a semester, transferred to another college, switched to an art major, graduated, got married, and for a while worked as a graphic designer.

Teetotallers lack the sympathy and generosity of men that drink.

Good people don't go to heaven. Forgiven people go to heaven.

I do not fear the man who practices 1,000 kicks one time each. I fear the man who practices 1 kick 1,000 times.

Newscasters cannot call attention to themselves by being too attractive or too unattractive.

I never subscribe to the stay-at-home policy. I'm not sick of the road or sick of eating in good restaurants around the country. I like to travel.

Although I was calm as a child, I had this restlessness about me–this need and hunger to create my own world. Poetry filled that void, and its words fed that vital necessity of ownership.

I usually play character parts in Hollywood films.

Learn the absolute pleasure of kindness.