In my life, I have driven some crappy vehicles. But I have never been so desperate for a vehicle that I wanted a used rental car.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

I am a drinker with writing problems.

There is no other possible way to a meaningful life other than going through your positive purpose on earth.

Protocol, alcohol, and Geritol.

Bent out of shape from society's pliers, cares not to come up any higher, but rather get you down in the hole that he's in.

Anger is poison. You must purge it from your mind or else it will corrupt your better nature.

My dad was vehemently opposed to electric guitars. He did not look on that kind of music as legitimate in any way

Initiative is the essence of manhood. Noting comes to the man who is passive, except failure.

You know, people are basically shitty

There's nothing better than striving to be a better man.

Were all the letters sun, I could not see one.