In my mind, not in real life. My rap name will be Optimus Rhymes. Or the Notorious B.o.B.

I was a bartender at a Pizzeria Uno's for nine years. The people I worked with were amazing, but it was quite possibly the most miserable time of my life.

I steal props from SNL a great deal. Almost every sketch Im in, I try to grab something from it, so I have a storage space full of props.

My mom makes something called green pie, which I thought was a delicacy that many people only had at Thanksgiving, but it turns out it was just Jell-O with whipped cream on it. And it's delicious.

When I was at Upright Citizens Brigade, I would pretend to be a sad, drunk rapper.

These days with the web, you can burn out a character really quick.

Me, Billy Crystal and John Goodman hang out non-stop, and all we do is silly voices. We hang out in a little closet and do voices together.

If you watched 'Lost,' sometimes the episodes were crazy good and sometimes you're like, "That one was just sorta there."

I'm not very big on politics. I'm a comedian and not that smart. I don't have the mind capacity for it.

I'm very wary with impressions - I don't think I'm very good at impressions, I hate doing them.

I'm very bad with music. I don't know any new music. I've listened to the same 10 or 12 albums my whole life.

That’s love: Two lonely persons keep each other safe and touch each other and talk to each other.

What you post on Facebook represents you, it can make you look bitter or better, forgiving or frustrated, resentful or rejoicing, choose wisely.

Marriage is good for those who are afraid to sleep alone at night.

I never met a color I did not like.

I say my hell is the closet I'm stuck inside.

A problem shared is a problem doubled.

I actually see myself in all my characters. In order to imagine what it feels like to be another person I have to use my own experiences and responses to the world.

What you have done causes things to happen. Your situation in life now has been caused, is predicated upon, your previous actions. That is karma.

There is not any memory with less satisfaction than the memory of some temptation we resisted.

My life and my plan wasn't very good, but at least it was my plan. It got to that point that I just couldn't stand it any more.