In my personal life, my family makes me laugh more than anybody; I think that is the same for everybody. I certainly hope it is.

People will kill you over time, and how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like 'be realistic.'

Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits.

Black Books adheres to a more old fashioned, traditional sitcom format, which I think works, because in its own way, it's quite theatrical.

You’re not an adult at all - you're just a tall child holding a beer, having conversations you don't understand...

Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think.

I'm quite a compulsive person-I only worked this out recently - I'm compulsive, but I'm also very indecisive. I don't know what I want, but I know that I want it now.

Oh how I hate you. I hate you so much it gives me energy. I have to get up early in the morning just to hate you, because there's not enough time in the day! Please GO AWAY!

I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it.

I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it over a rainbow.

You try various things when you're growing up. I was an attache in the Foreign Service for a while and then I drove a bulldozer, but neither of those panned out for me so it had to be stand-up.

You played my heart as it was meant to be played, a little, then all at once.

I think that before and after we kissed are two different timelines.

Any thought that goes against your happiness or progress surely doesn't deserve a space in your mind.

Critics called me 'egregious' - I had to look that one up - and 'creepy', but now I don't read them, I weigh them.

The object of true education is to make people not merely do the right things, but enjoy them

[The historical] development in the international system may almost be defined as the process by which we pass from stable war to stable peace.

I'm eighty-three and I've been smoking since I was eleven. I'm suing the cigarette company because it promised to kill me and it hasn't.

Ada! sole daughter of my house and heart.

When a man loves cats, I am his friend and comrade, without further introduction.