In my world, the wronger something feels, the righter it is.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

I am a book lover. I buy, collect and read books.

I believe in the brief eternity of the rose.

Writing is immensely difficult. The short forms especially.

Words, like glasses, obscure everything they do not make clear. Before using a fine word, make a place for it.

She's still doing it, pushing me into situations I can't handle, making me cope. She knows I can't cope.

If my mother hadn't thrown my football boots on the fire, I might have become as famous as Denis Compton.

Racism is a virus. And since nobody's really looking too hard for a cure it reproduces itself over and over again.

Airplane Law, The: When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.

Let's just say that the theater is not for the faint of heart.

As an actor, you try and be cool, but one of the reasons you become an actor is because you're a film fan. And then you're like, 'Oh my god, Ridley Scott just spoke to me!'