In pop culture news, Lady Gaga got married. And yes, she was wearing white meat.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

What helps people identify your Super Powers? Instead of hiring a personal PR firm to identify and promote your personal brand, ask yourself what strengths you want to be remembered by.

Moderation is the center wherein all philosophies, both human and divine, meet.

Again, racing for me was about energy management.

...our enjoyment of the great works of literature depends more upon the depth of our sympathy than upon our understanding.

I am troubled, immeasurably by your eyes. I am struck by the feather of your soft reply. The sound of glass speaks quick, disdain and conceals what your eyes fight to explain.

Mr. Trump's a good man, but he doesn't know much about the health care system.

I'm going to show you how great I am!

You never can tell what's magic.

I was by far the youngest of the family, and at times it was like being an only child.

In some parts of life, like mathematics and science, yeah, I was a genius. I would top all the top scores you could ever measure it by.