In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.

If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

The gratitude that you feel leads to faith in the abundance and with every resonance that radiates from your mind more strong feelings of faith start to reside in you.

Choosing with integrity means finding ways to speak up that honor your reality, the reality of others, and your willingness to meet in the center of that large field. It’s hard sometimes.

As the late baseball manager Sparky Anderson put it: “Losing hurts twice as bad as winning feels good.

Faith is that which is woven of conviction and set with the sharp mordant of experience.

I've pitched in a lot of big games.

It'd be stupid for me to sit here and say that there aren't kids who look up to me, but my responsibility is not to them. I'm not a baby sitter.

This world is given as the prize for the men in earnest; and that which is true of this world, is truer still of the world to come.

Life consists of two sides ... light and dark. Joy and sorrow. Without a balance, one cannot fully experience a full and well-rounded life.

God is Mind, and God is infinite; hence all is Mind.

We are being wiped off the face of this earth At an extremely alarming rate And even more alarming is the fact That we are not fighting back