In reality, everyone is good in bed. Close eyes. Shutdown brain. Pause as necessary. Restart brain. Open eyes. What's there to not be good at? Bed is the one place where laziness is rewarded.

Actually, cats do this to protect you from gnomes who come and steal your breath while you sleep.

I'm just saying it's easier to kill a cat than dispose of a car.

You'd really spend about a hundred dollars for fake testicles for your cat? I'm not sure I'd spend that for fake testicles for myself.

A highly paid, highly motivated employee who is not allowed to work with his full potential is like a Ferrari which is not allowed out of the garage.

Sometimes I think it is my fate to live in the wreckage and confusion of crumbling houses.

Talent alone gets you nowhere. You really have to have the grit, and you gotta have a love for people.

The more easily digestible and refined the carbohydrates, the greater the effect on our health, weight and well-being.

I must be like the princess who felt the pea through seven mattresses; each book is a pea.

Whenever you take the time to inspire someone, to aid them in their inner search, you'll find energy will come back to you - unless you are ego tripping or you are trying to manipulate them.

Once you start shaving you're done at Disney.

I haven't raised my voice for eight to 10 years in the kitchen. And I won't have anybody shouting. If I hear of anybody having a go at anyone else, they'll get disciplined.

I want to be here, for my family. I want to be here for my baby. I want to see the birth of my baby.

Two things people throughout history have had in common are hatred and humour. I am proud that I have been able to use humour to lessen people's hatred.