In six days the Lord created the heavens and the earth and all the wonders therein. There are some of us who feel that He might have taken just a little more time.

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.

And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

Poly means more than one, and ticks are bloodsucking parasites.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

When a stray animal crosses your path, it may be as close to God as you're going to get in this lifetime.

People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world.

It’s not about how you feel. It’s about what you do.

The greater the crime perpetrated by the leadership, the less likely it is that the people will ever believe their leaders to be capable of perpetrating such an event.

But when I know that the glass is already broken, every minute with it is precious.

When it comes to the challenges of the actual process, I soldier on as best I can, on my own.

Success is mine when I work my hardest to become my best, and I alone determine whether I do so.

One should not seek those who do not wish to be found.

I used to be a jazz snob, believe it or not. I sort of turned my nose up at anything more commercial.

Writers are storytellers. So are readers.

You don't have to win it, just don't lose it.

Though bachelors be the strongest stakes, married men are the best binders, in the hedge of the commonwealth.