In some company it’s perfectly all right to prick your finger, but very bad form to finger your prick.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Sometimes I feel that our bright blue sky is like a pregnant women’s belly.

No cause is left but the most ancient of all, the one, in fact, that from the beginning of our history has determined the very existence of politics, the cause of freedom versus tyranny.

I'm glad it was me and not you, Mr. President.

The easiest way to save money is to waste less energy.

I want you to believe...to believe in things that you cannot.

I've never quite understood the idea of a "season." Whenever an artistic director says to me, 'I have this slot,' I always start to feel we're parking cars or something.

The human condition: lost in thought.

Laughter is good medicine for the soul. Our world is desperately in need of more medicine.

I played Little League and in high school. I played more over the years whenever there was a pick-up game... usually softball.

I can imagine a future in which real books will exist but in a more limited, particular way.