In stand up, you get an awareness of how you come across, but in acting there is almost a hyper-awareness on how you might be physically perceived.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

The help we give to others creates the ripple of good feeling we give to ourselves.

My growing collection of facts keeps overlapping with my life.

A child is your legacy. What better thing can you do in life than put a really good person in the world who's going to make it a better place?

To be alive is to be broken; to be broken is to stand in need of grace.

I loved the game - I loved the competition. But I never had any fun. All hard work - all the time.

What is Aldous capable of?" "Aldous is two thousands years old. He's capable of anything." "Aldous Nix is two thousands years old?" "So, I've heard. He doesn't invite me to his birthday parties.

Let us be of good cheer, however, remembering that the misfortunes hardest to bear are those which never come.

Then come and as we lay, beside this sleepy glade, there I will sing to you my Longfellow serenade.

May we learn to say “thank you” to God and to one another. We teach children to do it, and then we forget to do it ourselves!

You should invest like a Catholic marries: for life.