In the '80s, I was putting out an album virtually every year, I think mostly based on fear - that if I didn't, people would soon forget about me.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

Your level of neuroses will only find love in a made-for-TV movie.

They killed him because he was too innocent to live.

Water is becoming a very scarce resource on a daily basis. Therefore, we need to teach communities to preserve it since we can't afford to live without water.

It's more fun to experience things when you don't know what's going to happen.

Life is filled with problems to be solved and tensions to be managed. Sometimes it helps to know which is which.

Men are competent in groups that mimic the playground, incompetent in groups that mimic the family

He who is afraid to use an "I" in his writing will never make a good writer.

Hunger is the argument that is driving India to the spinning wheel.

When I talk with people, I don't even see what they are wearing . . . No, I recognize it if it's something particularly nice and interesting. I see the exception.

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?