In the Bowling Alley of Tomorrow, there will even be machines that wear rental shoes and throw the ball for you. Your sole function will be to drink beer.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

A book is a good substitute for a man. Fiction, preferably

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Faith means making a virtue out of not thinking. It's nothing to brag about.

I don't believe that competitions are important.

Only lovers know the value and magnanimity of truth.

In all my unhappiness I was moving, and suddenly, this moving became an expression, a speaking out

I think I skipped a lot of music, like when I was 17 or 18. I didnt know about a lot of new bands because I was so immersed in older music.

While Americans have heard of Darfur and think we should be doing more there, they aren't actually angry at the president about inaction

I've come to the conclusion that the average person can do about four things a day, like four real things a day.

Who mix'd reason with pleasure, and wisdom with mirth: If he had any faults, he has left us in doubt.