In the futile attempts we all make to tidy up our lives and our surroundings, nothing is more difficult than throwing out a book.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

Being kind is more important than being right.

I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.

Everyone starts out being an atheist. No one is born with belief in anything. Infants are atheists until they are indoctrinated.

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

Nightmares appear many times before your dream.

I am reminded of yet one more reason why I avoid children, why I have remained intentionally childless. Children make ruthless biographers and terrifying judges.

Aestheticism is the garbage of intuitive feeling.

I have a small child, so the idea of getting up at 3 a.m. to train before a day of shooting... I just don't have it in me, although I have so much respect for people who do.

I freaking love Gwyneth Paltrow - I think shes awesome. She is fantastic.

Vicodin and vodka the breakfast of champion's.

Observe, don't imitate.

Im a techno moron. I need help just to plug in my video camera.

The first year or so on The Daily Show is pretty intense in terms of travel. You're going to the worst places in the country, talking to the craziest people in the world.

Let us be very gentle with our neighbors' failings, and forgive our friends their debts as we hope ourselves to be forgiven.