In the human race today, you came last.

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I'll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?

We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong!

Teenagers today are more free to be themselves and to accept themselves.

I take vitamins. I workout every day.

The two great tests of character are wealth and poverty.

I tell the actors that the biggest gift they can give me is to fail. And that the second gift they can give me is to surprise me.

Truth is more in the process than in the result.

We cannot live in the past, nor can we re-create it. Yet as we unravel the past, the future also unfolds before us, as though they are mirrors without which neither can be seen or happen.

The theater is a place that doesn't always but can reward hard work and tenacity, unlike television.

Hands make the world each day.

Mastery is in constantly wanting to close the gap between where you are and where you want to be.

Heed not the night; A summer lodge amid the wild is mine, 'Tis shadowed by the tulip-tree, 'Tis mantled by the vine.