In the long run all battles are lost, and so are all wars.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

If you come away with me, I can promise you pain and disgrace, ” I said. “But I will love you like no other can.

all i want it's a pièce of your heart not all of it

As she sustained wound after wound...the fairy should have fallen, but instead, she danced. This was Titania, the Fairy Queen.

To all the girls out there who think being funny is not sexy, you are wrong!

Masturbation is an absolutely peerless cure for the hiccups

And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

I am proud to be a conservative ... but I am also proud throughout my life to have attracted the support and the love and affection of people from all over America and all parts of it.

The beliefs which we have most warrant for, have no safeguard to rest on, but a standing invitation to the whole world to prove them unfounded.

Luce: "But what about all those other times, when I die before we kiss, before--" Bill: "Before you even have a chance to see how toxic your relationship might become?

We grow fearless when we do the things we fear.