In the midterm elections, a 102-year-old woman voted for the first time in a U.S. election. Unfortunately, she voted for Woodrow Wilson.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

People spend their entire lives searching the world for the pieces that will make them whole, yet those pieces are only found within them.

Nothing in the world is so strong as a kind heart

if you are using probability arguments wit yourself, you are saying: “I want to live a life like everybody else!” By definition, an exceptional life is a life of low probability.

To serve does not mean to surrender but to share.

I've achieved a certain amount of success and now I'm thinking about the good things I can do.

The black nation of Egypt is the only country that has a science named after its culture: Egyptology

I think I have a really diverse audience. I've had people from all sorts of sexual persuasions.

There was no one to call me to bed, no one to demand that the rhythms of my life operate in a duet.

It seems like the rebellions never stop, in the city, in the compound, anywhere. There are just breaths between them, and foolishly, we call those breaths “peace".

To me, pictures are like blintzes - ya gotta get 'em while they're hot.