In the old days, that was my ad-lib for hecklers in the joints I worked. It stuck with me. I hardly say it now, say, to fans, even though people do send me hockey pucks.

Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera.

No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.

When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?

I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.

Yeah, I make fun of blacks, and why not? I'm not a black.

I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game.

Some people say funny things - but I say things funny.

Find fault with thyself rather than with others.

You can learn little from victory. You can learn everything from defeat.

The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

I have learned that images have the power to educate, honor, humiliate, and illuminate.

There are good places to play and bad places.

The music does a lot for me. I'm one of those types of artists who the music really inspires my delivery, my cadence, and what I hear.

It's important to understand differences in scale and environment.

It is pointless trying to know where the way leads. Think only about your first step, the rest will come.

That monstrous tuberosity of civilised life, the capital of England.

Ultimately, the roast turkey must be regarded as a monument to Boomer's love.