In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

When you read a book put all of your effort into staying present and focus your energy towards the comprehension of each and every word and how you can apply it into your daily life.

At His door, what is the difference between Moslem and Christian, virtuous and guilty? At his door all are seekers and He the sought.

I'd die for your sins, but I'd probably enjoy them first

You know, I do speak the Queens English. It's just the wrong Queens that's all. It's over the 59th Street Bridge. It's not over the Atlantic Ocean.

Avoiding the temptation to sin and being patient upon that, is greater than being patient whilst being afflicted with trials.

If there's one word that sums up everything that's gone wrong since the war, it's Workshop. After Youth, that is.

We are not separate. So if one being hurts, I also hurt.

With the Solaris, however, I wanted to design a very simple, elegant dress watch

only to people!' shouted Rincewind. He drew his sword and, with a smooth overarm throw, completely failed to hit the troll.

Management has no divine rights.