In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Earthly possessions are transient and ephemeral. Giving away love creates ripples that last for some time.

True love isn't about being perfect. It's about seeing each other's imperfections as beauty.

What torments of grief you endured from evils that never arrived.

Simply follow nature, Rousseau declares. Sade, laughing grimly, agrees.

I guess I stopped acting when I was 18 and didn't pick it up again until I was 21. That wasn't the plan, though. When I first started at Yale, the plan was to do a movie each summer.

Dear world, I am leaving because I am bored.

It gives me real concern to observe ... that you should think it necessary to distinguish between my personal and public character, and confine your esteem to the former.

I have made all the calculations; fate will do the rest.

Be it caste or communal violence, they stall the growth of the nation. Let us affirm that we will be free from these tensions.