In the wake of Animal House, the stock briefly and quite wrongly shot up. So I love that movie.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

The question was whether James would love me if I was someone else.

I am overwhelmed by the goodness of God.

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.

You know that's history, that's why some people say that my stuff is retro, but I don't agree.

Farewell, dearest friend, never to see one another any more till at the right hand of Christ.

I am tired of spending a little bit of money in a lot of pieces because they keep on falling apart.

Getting cancer can become the beginning of living. The search for one's own being, the discovery of the life one needs to live, can be one of the strongest weapons against disease.

The void Papa's death left in me became a kind of cavity, into which later experiences were to be laid.

If I ever tried to take credit for what God deserves the credit, He would be displeased with me, and I'm more interested in pleasing Him than pleasing ego or vanity.

The worst of us is not without innocence, although buried deeply it might be.