In these tough economic times, everybody has to cut back. I am down to three tabs of ecstasy a day.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

I'm a huge supporter of women. What I'm not a supporter of liberalism. Feminism is what I oppose. Feminism has led women astray. I love the women's movement, especially walking behind it.

You're different. We all are. We are each "one of a kind." This means each of us will live the Christian life differently.

A hungry man is not a free man.

John McCain said that Sarah Palin is still a force in the Republican Party. Then he got in his car and backed over his mailbox.

Are any of yall into girls like I am les-bi-anest

A lot of films in Canada are subsidized by the government, and compared to a studio, the government really stays out of your face creatively.

Only time, education and plenty of good schooling will make anti-segregation work.

Protect yourself......from your own thoughts.

If riches increase, let thy mind hold pace with them; and think it not enough to be liberal, but munificent.

I grew, a happy, healthy child in a bright world of illustrated books, clean sand, orange trees, friendly dogs, sea vistas and smiling faces.