Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

Biology always beats will power.

We preferred our own way of living. We were no expense to the government. All we wanted was peace and to be left alone.

Some women just fight to fight. I fight to win.

Life's like a movie, write your own ending. Keep believing, keep pretending. We've done just what we set out to do. Thanks to the lovers, the dreamers and you.

Evie-you-GAH!" Lend shouted, and I looked up at him, surprised.

Well, I am happy, and I won't fret, but it does seem as if the more one gets the more one wants.

We come from ruins, but we're not ruined.

A sure cure for boredom: fast until you are ravenous.

Aspiring beggary is wretchedness itself.

They paid the ultimate price and we can never forget their sacrifice.