Intelligence. Nothing has caused the human race so much trouble as intelligence.

When a man and a woman see each other and like each other they ought to come together - wham - like a couple of taxis on Broadway, not sit around analyzing each other like two specimens in a bottle.

We've become a race of Peeping Toms. What people ought to do is get outside their own house and look in for a change. Yes sir. How's that for a bit of homespun philosophy?

If there's anything worse than a woman living alone, it's a woman saying she likes it.

Do you know what I like about your program? Even when I'm running the vacuum, I can understand it.

Nobody ever invented a polite word for a killing yet.

If you stay in the company of anger, pain, or hurt, happiness will find someone else to visit.

Instruction would be wasted on me. Just to give me the form and I'll sign on the dotted line.

I'm not a screamer. I'm confrontational, but I don't think that translates into anger.

There were chunks of my life when I was married, and when I was married I never cheated. But I made up for it when I wasn't married. You have to keep your hand in.

You must learn to translate wisdom and strong feelings into labor.

The cross is not a detour or a hurdle on the way to the kingdom, nor is it even the way to the kingdom; it is the kingdom come.

It's weird not to be weird.

We must never promise ourselves any more than God has promised us.

I've realized skinny isn't necessarily attractive. Guys like girls with curves.

Go home and tell your daughters they are beautiful.