Introducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light'; but with twenty per cent fewer letters.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

Every man believes to some extent that the world began when he was born and, at the moment of leaving it, suffers at having to let the Universe remain unfinished.

I am living a simple life with a complicated mind and I have yet to find a state of mind where I feel safe with who I am, where I am, with what I do.

If anything I think postmodernism has the least impact on my work.

Catholicism has changed tremendously in recent years. Now when Communion is served there is also a salad bar.

The daily activity that contributes most to happiness is having dinner with friends. The daily activity that detracts most from happiness is commuting. Eat more. Commute less.

Gave her love away, put it in my pocket when it should of been framed!

Society is no more indulgent than was the God of Genesis.

I miss video games where the jump-kick was the trickiest combo to master.

True preaching is the sweating of blood.

The Indian diaspora is a wonderful place to write from and I am lucky to be part of it.