Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Communicate at all times with the Creator.

My life is sacred being.

With the warmth of an alien sun on his back, Jacob took a deep breath at the door and knocked.

Financial freedom is available to those who learn about it and work for it.

Jesus, Jesus help me. I'm alone in this world.

Atheism is a system which can communicate neither warmth nor illumination, except from those fagots which your mistaken zeal has lighted up for its destruction.

I can't understand why men make all this fuss about Everest-it's only a mountain.

Life is lived in the present and directed toward a future.

Equity, ownership, production fees, license fees: those are the vocabulary words that are exciting to me.

My mind is my biggest asset. I expect to win every tournament I play.