Invite them all in. Nip out the back door. Phone the police and tell them your house is being burgled.

If forced to travel on an airplane, try and get in the cabin with the Captain, so you can keep an eye on him and nudge him if he falls asleep or point out any mountains looming up ahead.

America was discovered by Amerigo Vespucci and was named after him, until people got tired of living in a place called "Vespuccia" and changed its name to "America"

If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.

The people of Halifax also invented the harmonium, a device for castrating pigs during Sunday service.

When the Ngdanga tribe of West Africa hold their moon love ceremonies, the men of the tribe bang their heads on sacred trees until they get a nose bleed, which usually cures them of that.

Sometimes, you need to downgrade your dreams to upgrade your reality.

Does poem also walk the valleys seeking tongues from dandelions?

♫ Climbed that roost, alighted right there. Made mush of his head for the onlooker bears.A two-pronger her prize, a meat most rare. Do-gooders will pay. Do-gooders will fear. ♫

Clearly one must read every good book at least once every ten years.

Sometimes we smile at a child thats afraid of the dark. I think more ridiculous is a man or woman afraid of the light.

I consider it useless and tedious to represent what exists, because nothing that exists satisfies me. Nature is ugly, and I prefer the monsters of my fancy to what is positively trivial.

You can get used to anything if you have to, even feeling perpetually guilty.

Stretch your goals... In other words, think big and think far off.

Enunciation, diction, all that stuff. None of that is in my personality.

Nothing lasts forever, but old Fords and a natural stone.